ON DENTISTRY:

I went to the dentist for the first time in a LONG time this morning. And let me set this down right off the top: I am not afraid of the dentist. I don't like the dentist. There isn't any overlap. I am scared of clowns. I don't like clowns. I am scared of snakes. I don't like snakes. But I am not afraid of dentists.

So the X-rays start, and I warn the dental assistant that I have a "ridiculous" gag reflex. She is very careful with me. Then, right after I say "I'll be fine, it's not like I'm going to explode," the very next X-ray...a little vomit. Blech.

I also had my gums measured, to determine their health (determination: not good). The hygienist was poking and prodding, and I was doing all I could not to scream at her. So after she finished:

ME: You could get another job as an interrogator.
HER: Interrogator?
ME: Yeah, I feel like all I should tell you is my name, rank, and serial number.