ON FORGIVENESS

I wrote previously about Facebook, and how I am using it to reconnect with people from my past. Well, it was last night, and I had already watched all of my DVR'ed television, so I decided to look around. I checked on some people I knew when I was in elementary school, with inconclusive results. Checked on some people from church back in the day - again, inconclusive. Then - and this is probably because I was listening to Rilo Kiley, who sings beautifully and somewhat hauntingly, I decided to type in the name of the girl who absolutely destroyed my heart back in high school.

And then again freshman year of college.

And then again sophomore year of college.

I don't hold many grudges - one against the Salvation Army, one against a girl from college, and one against the girl whose name I foolishly typed in last night. And yes, after some false positives, I am pretty confident I found her.

Here's where I let out a long sigh.

I don't know what I expected to gain from this. Was I hoping to find a picture of her being mauled by badgers? Maybe a picture of her begging outside a train station, clearly destitute (with stink lines for emphasis!) Surely I didn't want that...did I? What was I looking for?

If it's her - and again, I'm pretty sure it is - she's married, which is kind of expected. A few years back, a friend mentioned he had seen her name in the paper but didn't remember what it was for (but said he thought it was something about marriage or engagement or something). And the knowledge that she got married doesn't do anything to get rid of the grudge. But here's the kicker - in the picture, she was holding a baby.

And it hit me like the proverbial ton of fricks (as in "Frick! Frick! Frickfrickfrick!") - I need to let this grudge go. I don't know why the picture of her with a baby would do it, but there's really no point in holding on to this mess that happened over ten years ago, as much as I did let myself be shaped by her actions. Maybe it's time I re-evaluate the "Girl Who Indirectly Stole From Me" grudge and even the Salvation Army one...

Bo tonight's discovery leads to the question - do I send her a message? A message letting her know how much she affected me and how I am learning to let it go? That I can finally honestly wish her well? Or do I let it go, believing that she's perfectly fine without even giving me a consideration of a whisper of a ghost of a thought? Which would make her more happy?