ON DEFINING BEAUTY

Last week's episode of "The Office" - an excellent show that somehow got overlooked for my "Brammy" awards - featured the characters discussing whether or not Oscar-winning actress Hilary Swank is "hot." This prompted a discussion with some friends about the multiple layers of attraction and the labels that go along with them. These are personal definitions, but, come on, you should probably adopt them in your own life.

HOT - A hot person is someone you feel a significant amount of physical attraction for. However, this attraction is limited to the physical. You would feel no compunction about hooking up with this person and then a) bragging about it to friends and b) ditching them shortly after. It is also possible for a hot person to be ugly. Weird, I know.

CUTE - A physical attraction, usually with some level of "protectiveness." In my mind, a "cute" girl is shorter than me, often very petite, seems somehow innocent (whether or not she actually IS innocent is often another matter entirely). Probably a person you would snuggle with while watching a "PG" movie.

PRETTY - Physical attraction without the shortcomings of a hot person. The type of person you like to be seen with, especially in "formal" situations, such as weddings, proms, and improv shows.

BEAUTIFUL - A combination of the three above definitions PLUS an element of "grace." And this isn't grace like "ballet dancer" grace - this is about kindness and some barely-describable "goodness" radiating from that person. It is impossible for a bad person to be beautiful. Physically, sociologically, absolutely impossible.

If you are a girl reading this, please do not ask me into what category you fall, as it is very possible to move between categories. For example, I could see a girl from across the room and think she's cute, but then learn she spends free time reading to blind senior citizens, which makes her beautiful.

And for the record, Hilary Swank is not "hot."