ON FORGIVENESS
I talked last week about my gratuitous use of profanity in a college class (or two). Well, I was able to make contact with one professor - the poet laureate who taught business writing. He was very gracious and confessed to have forgotten the incident that had bothered me for so long. His words were eloquent (not a surprise considering the source), and I feel very good about the whole situation.
I've been giving a lot of thought to forgiveness lately. A friend brought up the following hypothetical: if someone punches you in the face and you go to the hospital, but at the hospital you meet the woman of your dreams, do you owe the puncher forgiveness or a thank you? My friend's opinion is absolutely not, because it certainly wasn't the puncher's intention for things to work out well for you; the intention was to cause grievous facial harm. Ergo, no forgiveness granted.
As I have a different view of human nature, I would probably grant forgiveness, assuming it's asked for. Especially if I meet the woman of my dreams. Forgiveness asked for sincerely is forgiveness granted, right?
This begs the further question: does granting forgiveness mean that someone is to be taken back unconditionally? For example, if I betray my friend Jen by...hmmmm...training her dogs to attack her husband. Let's say that. The dogs do lasting damage. I repent of my actions and do my best to make amends. Jen, in her graciousness, forgives me. But is she bound to take me back as her friend? Or is she just bound to not actively dislike me any more? Certainly she wouldn't let me dog-sit anymore, right? And does that mean she hasn't REALLY forgiven me?
In any event, I hope I can be half as gracious as my professor when some of the students I currently work with apologize in 2019.
5 comments:
I stick with my dad's rule. Forgiveness is almost never about the person being forgiven. It's about the freedom inside you get from forgiving.
You friend sounds smart. (Not Crescent, the one who originally came up with the scenario...not that Crescent DEFINITELY isn't smart, I just wanted to make it clear that she isn't who I was talking about.)
I'm the friend, of course.
Maybe I spoke a little unclearly. I don't think I actively contain my forgiveness in situations (even the punching one), but I think forgiving someone is one thing, and re-adopting them as a close friend is another.
There are many people in my life who have done things to me that I have forgiven, but have showed me that they are untrustworthy, continuously hurtful, and in general dangerous to be around (from an emotional standpoint).
Obviously this mirrors your blog here, I just want to make it clear that I do forgive people.
For me, it'd just be hard to have two friends - Brad and Tad.
When Tad actually punches me in the face, can I really let him back into my good graces as I keep Brad? Should I be expected to? Is that fair to Brad?
Geeze Chuck. Call me not smart why don't you.
I kid!
I agree with those thoughts as well. I have people that I'll never invest time or energy into again but instead of hanging on to the bad feelings I just decided to hope they are well and not such d-bags anymore. It makes my life better not to feel bitter about them.
I also feel that punching can be very effective as well.
Yeah that's exactly what I'm getting at. Forgiveness is good but forgetting - not so much.
Also, punching is the second best way to deal with those people - especially when those people are Brad.
Very interesting stream here, Bradley. Forgiveness is so tricky, especially when it comes to forgiving someone who has hurt you or your family (such as your dog training scenario).
I like to think that I'd forgive you for your actions that you described...but in all reality I'd probably have you beaten to a pulp and then put in jail. It's easier to forgive once you've gotten revenge.
I know, I'm terrible. But you love me anyway.
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