ON ROMANCE

February 13, 1996...a day which had undue influence on the person I have been and have become.

I had a date. She was late getting ready...not just late, but had left the house and was late getting back, leaving me to make extremely awkward small talk with her mom. I drove her to the pizza place where I worked. I had set up a small table in the back room - which was miraculously empty that night, save for us - with candles lit, with a rose across the plate - super romantic, right? I mean, for 17 year-olds. We ordered pizza and the cooks succeeded in baking a heart-shaped pizza, which went over very well. I believe her exact words were "I thought stuff like this only happened in the movies."

Now, for a first real date, I have come to realize this is a bit much.

Our conversation went very well. I was head over heels, arse over teakettle in love with her the way only a 17 year-old can be. I drove her back to her house (I mention the drives because I thought that one of the reasons she and I were meant for each other was that we each drove a 1986 Buick Century...) and that's where things got weird again.

She checked her email and I, being curious, read it over her shoulder...and it was from her boyfriend (who had previously cheated on her) and was essentially accusing her of cheating on him (which she wasn't...was she?). Any thoughts of a goodnight kiss disappeared and I went home.

Needless to say, things did not work out with this girl. And to borrow from my close personal friend Sheryl Crow, "the first cut is the deepest." I was wrecked. I had put this girl on a pedestal and was busy looking for a girl to measure up to her. She was pretty (I'm shallow!), athletic, funny, and smart in the same way I was smart (This took me a lot of time to realize. I know a lot of intelligent women, but not many who are smart in the same way as me.). Because I was constantly evaluating women compared to this girl and not on their own merits, I missed out on some remarkable women during my college years (and, I suppose, my post-college years).

Amazingly, however, my romantic streak has not completely disappeared. I tend to be too schmoopy too quickly and end up scaring women off. And maybe that's what happened with this girl. But I can honestly say that for the last thirteen years, I have hated February 13. This is the first one after I have attempted to really forgive this girl and move past my grudge against her (the grudge being based on a lot of other stuff - not just the date that was too schmoopy). Combine that with an improv show tonight, and this may be the best February Friday The Thirteenth EVER!