ON CRIME

Last night we had a student arrested for "possession [of marijuana] with intent to distribute." I wish I knew how we can arrest someone on "intent." Speaking as Mr. Neutral, he could have wanted those bags of marijuana for himself for portion control (like how I buy 100-calorie packs of Cheez-Its). We don't know what his intent was. [Note: If I make a reference to "Minority Report" here, will anyone get it? I didn't think so. By the way, the short story and the movie are totally different. Just like "Paycheck."]

I've never been arrested or ticketed. Sometimes I wonder why. From learning about ethics, I know about Kohlberg's theory of moral development. And I know that a person with a lower level of ethical development acts in line with conventional ethics because they are afraid of punishment. That's why I don't speed, most likely. I can try and couch it all I want with totally reasonable excuses, such as "I know my reflexes aren't quick enough to deal with driving 90," but truthfully, I just don't want to get a ticket.

However, higher-level offenses are governed (in my mind) by a higher level of ethics. For example, let's say I were mad at Chuck. Extremely mad at Chuck. I'm sure I have a very good reason. The point is - do I kill Chuck? No, of course not, I don't even entertain the notion. Not because I am afraid of going to prison (although I am), but because it's wrong to kill someone. I'm simultaneously at two levels. Suck it, Kohlberg! That awesome report I wrote on your theory in grad school was just discredited! By me!

In any event, my favorite crime to see on shows like "Cops" is definitely people being busted in prostitution stings. As my interactions with prostitutes have been fairly limited, I haven't had the opportunity to be stung. Prostitutes don't interest me for a variety of reasons, but let's go back to the speeding example. I don't want to deal with the punishment/fallout from it. I couldn't handle the embarrassment, the public shame.

Could I call my parents from jail, having just killed Chuck because he beat me at a game of NBA Hangtime? It would be a hard call to make, but I could do it. But I could absolutely NOT make the call from prison saying that I was too lazy to put in the effort to have sex* without paying for it.


* that's what you do with prostitutes, right? Sex?