ON A DATE THAT HAPPENED THREE YEARS AGO TODAY

Unlike February 13, this one didn't scar me for life. And the only reason I remember the date at all is because I was sending weekly updates to friends at the time and obviously would write about a date, right?

The story begins, as zero great love stories do, at a conference for housing officials. The "Jaybird" girl I mentioned a few weeks ago was there, not responding to my comedy gold. I was there, being awesome. And Curly-Haired Nose Ring Girl was there... I was really attracted to CHNRG, and actually worked up the courage to talk with her. During our brief conversation, for the one and only time in my life, I referred to a cell phone as a "celly." Ouch. Despite this, she gave me her number.

I called her the following week, during a different conference. The conversation went very well, and I was just smitten by her. Absolutely destroyed. Head over heels, arse over teakettle, however you want to phrase it. We made tentative plans to meet the following week (at a THIRD conference) and promised to talk soon.

Since I had called her first, it was her turn to call me on the following Tuesday. I did my typical move, staying in and staring at the phone all night. Around 11:30, she (finally!) texted me to see if I was still awake. I immediately called her. We talked and finalized our plans for the following Sunday - again, at Conference #3, in Washington, DC. Five days from then. We talked once more on that Thursday. It led up to this: Sunday, March 12.

I took the right train the wrong way and was eight minutes late meeting her. Fantastic start. We took a bus to "Alexandria." She suggested a pizza place - of course, I'm not going to turn down pizza, so in we went. I was beyond nervous at this point and didn't know what to do - again, just smitten by this girl. The pizza was okay, I refrained from "flirting" with the waitress (some would simply call it being friendly), although I believe I also actually said "Everyone tells me I flirt with waitresses," which, as you know, is a very stupid thing to say on a first date. Or any date, for that matter.

After the meal, I excused myself. It's always been a fear of mine to have to poop while on a date...sadly, Fear and I met on that date, and I felt like I was gone from the table for a VERY long time. After that disgusting but perfectly natural interlude, we left and walked around the streets of Old Towne-y Alexandria for several hours. It was a very sweet night, even if I also ruined it (again) by suggesting that we hold hands, which I don't think of as a big deal, but apparently some people do. In this case, CHNRG being "some people." Blerg. Maybe she thought I hadn't washed my hands after my lengthy bathroom visit. I always wash my hands!

So while we were walking and talking, her friend was waiting in a Starbucks down the road. I met this friend and thought I passed the "best friend" test. Looking back, any time a girl introduces another girl to you while on a date, it probably isn't going that well. I seriously just realized that now. Wow.

In any event, back to the train station, then I went off to rejoin the friends with whom I had come to the conference, and CHNRG went with her friend to her parents' place. Makes sense. And I did mull over the stupid things I had said and done - I thought it was limited to the waitress thing, the pooping thing, and the hockey game that I was half-watching during our meal. My friends and I hung out at a hotel bar that night, and therefore the song "Kill" by Jimmy Eat World will forever be associated with CHNRG.

Fast forward two days - March 14, 2006, if you don't have a 2006 calendar handy. CHNRG calls me and says "We need to talk." For some reason, I agree to it instead of faking cell phone interference. She informed me that the PREVIOUS Tuesday - the one where she was late calling me - a guy friend she had known for a long time told her he had feelings for her, and that she would like to explore those feelings. Specifically with that guy, and not with me. Despite this, I said I would still like her to meet my friends that night. Hmmm. This whole story makes me look pretty stupid, doesn't it?

She met my friends and handled everything with grace and dignity. We then went up to a hotel room to talk. She basically retold me everything she had said on the phone, and I said the only clever thing I said the entire time we had known each other:

ME: So you're sure you want to try things with this other guy?
HER: I'm sure.
ME: I can't, like, play him at Battleship with the winner getting you?
HER: (laughing) No.

I walked her down to the Metro station. She was going down the escalator and turned to wave. I turned my back and walked away...then immediately called to apologize for being rude. After THAT call, I called my friend Chad and broke down on the phone to him. I walked around some strange area of DC that night, tears in my eyes and on the sleeve of my coat, trying to sort things out.

For example, if she wanted to explore things with Other Guy, why didn't she tell me before we went out? We talked twice between his admission and the Date! Was it the pooping that ruined my chances? Also, did you hear that Battleship line?!? Classic!

I tried to maintain a mature friendly relationship with her after the fact, but she thought I was still trying to woo her - and maybe I was, judging by the content of the emails I sent her - and asked me not to email her as much. I agreed, then, a year or so later, right before my birthday, she and I were on a much more regular email schedule. I thought things were good. Then, on my birthday, she emailed and said she couldn't "promise" to call, and that she liked our "casual email friendship," which I think is code for "you're a loser."

Things have worked out for her since - she is happily married and doing some important work in Ethiopia, and if that's what she is meant to do, I am likely not the man to be there with her (if Washington DC pizza tears me up inside, just imagine what a plate full of Ethiopian pizza would do to me!). And that's fine - for the first time ever, I was/am able to legitimately be happy for a couple involving a girl I was at one time interested in - even if the guy she married does have annoyingly perfect hair. She is on my weekly email update friends list, although I suspect she doesn't read a thing I write, which is okay, too.

Things have worked out for me, as well. I recently finished "Grand Theft Auto IV."

I don't want to seem like I'm pining. This is just the story of a date I had three years ago today. I am trying to be more honest about my life, and telling this story in this venue is an attempt in that direction. Plus I was really struggling for a subject this morning.

[Conspiracy theorists will notice that the two girls for whom I was arse over teakettle have the same initials in reverse order, and that the dates in question took place on 2/13 and 3/12...ten years apart. I suppose this means the third time will be the charm on January 23rd, 2016. I can't wait!]