ON SUCCESS

Our high school - like many, I suppose - handed out "superlative" awards at our Senior Banquet. You know...most likely to succeed, most likely to be famous, most likely to be president, class clown, best body, best smile...things like that. I went in assuming I'd win something - that sounds vain, but mine was a name most people at least knew, and when it comes down to voting, sometimes that's all you need.

I knew I wouldn't get class clown, because I was only funny in honors classes - in regular classes, I kept my mouth shut and just let people cheat off me. And I didn't really think I would get "most likely to be famous," although one could argue that a president is pretty famous. I should add that the winner of our most likely to be famous is a recording artist who showed up on my Pandora mix the first day I opened an account, so maybe that's something. Here's the link to his webpage: Josh Holmes. In any event, I thought I had a good chance at being voted most likely to succeed.

I ended up being voted "Most Likely to be President." A great achievement, to be sure, except that I had no political aspirations. Heck, at the time I was an avid Rush Limbaugh supporter, which shows how well I understood the political process...

HIGH SCHOOL ME: He said "Feminazi!" Hahaha!

So it didn't appear that President of the United States was a viable future career for me. With that career option out the window, what's left?

All of these thoughts surfaced because today is our "Most likely to succeed" winner's birthday. She is married, lives in LA, is a doctor, and is highly involved with a sweet charity. So by many measures, she is a success. And I am genuinely happy for her, I really am. I think it's awesome to know someone who's doing all that great work. But while I know I shouldn't compare my life with hers, I can't help but do so...

I am unmarried, live in a dirty suburb of a dirty suburb of Boston (that's not a typo - I'm two suburbs removed), am working at a job far, far below my abilities, and am only tangentially involved with two sweet charities. So at first glance, I'm getting my "success-ass" kicked.

On the other hand, I co-host a now-international podcast (thanks for listening, Czech Republic!), I have invented two words ("grandorphan" and "success-ass"), and am a published author. I am in an improv group that people pay to see - sometimes more than once. My friends are fantastic people who are achieving all kinds of things in all kinds of disciplines - art, business, engineering, missions work, medicine, law, raising kids - and they all adore me. Sometimes. My niece thinks I'm great, which I suppose means I have the world record for "Most Perceptive Niece." I've also pioneered the mixing of Hormel Chili and Easy Mac. All in all, things ARE going pretty successfully for me.

Plus I'm still friends with the girls who won "Best Body" and "Best Smile." Yeah.