ON OPENING LINES
Last Sunday, I went to Barnes and Noble. I saw a pretty girl working there. I am usually loath to say anything to a strange girl, especially around the school I work for; heaven forbid I say anything and it turns out she's one of the students from my building (or worse, will live in my building next year because she's a freshman this year). As I tried to figure out what to say to this girl, the only thing I could come up with was "So...books, huh?"
Obviously, I did not actually speak with her. I also briefly considered asking her to help me find a book, but since the book I was looking for was a fantasy novel (that they didn't have, the jerks), I figured that wouldn't help. I also thought it would make it look like I didn't know how to use the Internet to order books. So the moment passed and I went home.
About two weeks ago, I was at the Walgreens near my friends' apartment in Rhode Island. I noticed a very cute assistant manager [I described her has having "arresting eyes."] working there, but she was busy, so I didn't say anything. I figured I'm in this Walgreens fairly regularly and would have the opportunity to speak with her at another time. Last night was that time.
Since I worked at Walgreens five years ago (has it been that long? Wow!), I knew we could find some common ground to explore. I walked down the food aisle and saw a damaged package of granola bars. I checked the expiration date on the box and sure enough, it was expired. I grabbed the box (then checked the one behind it, which was also expired). Boom, instant conversation starter, right? She was behind the photo counter (the photo girl was back in the 1-hour lab), so I approached with this gem:
ME: These are incredibly outdated.
HER: (checks them) They sure are. Thanks!
ME: (awkwardly) I used to work for Walgreens like five years ago, so I notice stuff like that.
HER: (chuckles)
Ugh. I should have let it go there, but no...
ME: That would never have happened at my store! [Note: I was obviously joking.]
HER: Oh, really?
ME: (grabbing a Diet A&W Root Beer from the cooler) No, It would have and did.
Ugh again. I don't know why it's so difficult to start conversations with strangers - particularly girl strangers - but it is a skill I lack. The bright side of all of this is that at least I got two packages of expired granola bars off the shelf. That probably saved at least four lives. When you look at it that way, I'm kind of a hero.
4 comments:
well, i married "fat free hot dog guy." maybe this is the start of something with her, and you'll be the "expired granola dude" of her dreams...
i also need to mention how ironic i find it that a guy who does improv can't think on his feet...
LL -
I have been medically self-diagnosed with PGS, or "Pretty Girl Syndrome." When I am around a pretty girl, I have no control over the words I say, the rate at which I say them, or the tone and inflection of the words. It's a medical mystery.
B
I'll help you Brad. Although the fact that Liz' kids are here does severely stunt my comedic "playing field" if you will (and don't you think those kids are a little young to be married?), I'll still offer some guidance here.
From what you said, you were honestly off to a great start. Humor if the key to anyone woman's heart (or at least to a slight interest) and that exact kind of "anyone can appreciate it a little" comedy is the right ticket. I honestly don't know why you performed poorly in this situation.
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