ON KNOW-IT-ALL-ISM

SCENE: A church basement. The chairs are arranged in a circle. There are posters promoting positivity around the room. It is obviously a support group. I stand to speak.

ME: Hi, everyone. My name is Brad. And...I'm a know-it-all.

GROUP: Hi, Brad!

ME: I can't help it. When someone mis-speaks or has an egregious grammar error in something they've written, I feel the need to correct it - usually immediately.

GROUP: (sage nods of agreement and recognition)

ME: I don't mean to do it, much of the time. I've been back and forth on this in my mind over and over again. But sometimes, the corrections just slip out, like when you squeeze a wet bar of soap.

Part of my defense is that I want people to sound intelligent, like they know what they're talking about. For example, I misused the word "ablutions" for six months without being corrected (I honestly thought it meant 'the act of urinating,' when in fact it means 'a washing or cleansing of the body, especially in a religious rite.') I kind of wish someone had corrected me at some point during those six months - imagine my horror and embarrassment if someone else had actually used the word in its appropriate context and I made a snarky comment based on my personal (incorrect) definition. I want to save my friends that potential embarrassment, which is why I am so quick to correct.

A friend pointed out that it can seem rude when I immediately correct people (citing one example in particular). But if a friend says (for example) "King Solomon was known for his wiseness," it's a reflex for me to say "wisdom." Lately, I've been trying to hold it in and bring it up in a less-public situation, and in a more caring context - for example, if someone posts "Bommer Sooner," maybe a private message correcting it (to "Boomer Sooner") is the way to go, rather than a very public comment ridiculing their spelling (which is tempting).

I think this will be a benefit for me in the future. If I make an error in an email or a speech, it is corrected with glee by others. Perhaps my being more caring will inspire others to cut me some slack, and we will all realize that typos happen. Perhaps I will get rid of my unofficial "if you have a misspelling in your personal ad, I am no longer interested" rule. Ridiculous, right?

ANONYMOUS VOICE FROM THE GROUP: About as ridiculous as you using the word "egregious" in conversation.

GROUP LEADER: Time for refreshments!