ON SECRETS

Keeping a secret is always a challenge for me. I pride myself on knowledge - see the previous post for more details on that - so a chance to demonstrate my knowledge of something another person doesn't know is right in my wheelhouse. For example, last April, a friend built his girlfriend (also a friend of mine) a bar for her sun porch. And I knew it was coming, and I knew it would be awesome. But keeping the secret for the six weeks or so that I knew of the extensive project - that just wore me out. I did, however, successfully keep that secret (and the small party that went along with it).

I sometimes drop "hints" that are way too easy. For example, if a friend named "Chuck Bagley" liked a girl, and didn't want her to know (apparently Chuck Bagley is in fifth grade, but bear with me here), I might tell her that I know someone who has a crush on her. After pretending to ignore her queries, I would finally relent and say "Okay. His name rhymes with Muck Magley." I realize this is a terrible thing to do, but you know, technically, I didn't tell.

And sometimes, I just don't know it's a secret. My freshman year of college I had a ridiculous crush on a girl. Ah, she was so beautiful, and I was helpless around her. Anyways, her mom called the room and I answered. We had a short conversation - you know, "I'm a friend of your daughter's, I'm from Indiana," stuff like that - and then I said "Yeah, I'm always telling her she shouldn't smoke." Her mom said "She'd better not be smoking!" as the girl frantically whisper-shouted "She doesn't know!" I tried to pawn it off as I meant that her roommate smoked to no avail. Ugh. I apologized for it profusely, but no matter - the damage was done. [Note: she has since quit smoking.]

I guess the lesson to be learned from all of this is that while I love knowing secrets, I need to love TELLING secrets less. Because if I don't, there will eventually be no secrets told to me. And if you've told me a secret, make sure you tell me to "vault it." For whatever reason, that phrase works for me.

As you may have guessed, this whole post is a way of saying I have a new secret. And that I won't tell it! (probably!)