ON DUNK TANKS

Friday afternoon found me at a block party in downtown Providence. While I was excited about seeing Senior Discount play, my attention was drawn to a dunk tank at one end of the (kind of sad) block. For a dollar (donated to some animal-type charity), one received the opportunity to try and dunk representatives from a local radio station (they claimed it was "Dunk-A-DJ," but unless radio stations hire solely young ladies in their early 20's, I would say there was some bamboozling involved in the titling).

As a firm believer in the Golden Rule, I didn't want to participate. But I was cajoled into it (it didn't take much cajoling, to be honest) and stepped up for my opportunity. My first throw went wide right. My next toss, however, found its mark, sending the girl tumbling from her perch into what I'm sure was cold water below. My third throw was uninspired and missed.

Now, I've been dunked in a dunk tank before. It sucks. The water is cold, and unless you're the first person, there are bits of debris that came from other people's feet or the air, not to mention all the effluvium in the tank. Gross. But at least those throws are honest, a test of skill.

Until, of course, little kids or cute girls get it in their heads to "press the button," dunking the shivering individual with no skill or effort involved, short of the fear of reprisal - which, now that I think on it, does not take any effort either. But I can say that it was incredibly frustrating to think that I had dodged a bullet (so to speak), only to have someone walk the twenty feet toward my cage - my only defense against the imminent dunking being splashing water in their direction. Usually accompanied by a gleeful shout, the person would slam the lever, sending me into the water.

[closing joke deleted]